Domestic ViolenceServing all of California
National Domestic Violence Hotline
24/7 confidential crisis support, safety planning, and referrals. Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
Learn moreMy Story
Two abortions, only weeks apart
In the summer of 2007, over the span of just a few weeks, I underwent two abortions in California. At the time I was in love, and when he proposed marriage instead of a baby, or his family wouldn't approve, I thought I hit the jackpot. I grew up without a lot of resources or a large, loving family. What could possibly go wrong? If I just did this one thing, I would get everything I ever wanted. But what soon followed was fallout from friends who recognized early on how unhealthy the relationship was for me. Sometimes your friends are wrong about a guy you're seeing, but from my experience, they usually are not.
What began as two became five while I was married and under his financial and coercive control. Marriage is a beautiful institution, but harm is often overlooked simply because you are married. Reproductive coercion often starts small, but many women find themselves enduring more and more over time, believing that going along with it will make him love them, or stay. It doesn't.
July 11–14, 2007
First pregnancy confirmed & ended
August 2, 2007
A second procedure, weeks later
Afterward
Then came my first born
About my first born
My first born came after these two procedures. He tried to make me get rid of that child as well, a child with the very same due date I should have been celebrating, not because of me, and not because of her, but because his family wouldn't pay. Often when a woman is dependent on a husband, and he is dependent on his family for finances, it creates an environment where she has no place to turn for help. That was my story, and it's why I speak for self-advocacy now, because sometimes, in this situation, no one is coming to help you.
Why financial control is abuse
When money becomes the reason a pregnancy "has to" end, when a partner's parents, or your own, hold funds over your body and your choices, that is financial control. It is coercion, and it is a recognized form of abuse. No family's checkbook should ever decide whether your child gets to live.
Honoring them, and myself
Although the children are not living today, I took responsibility and accountability, even when he wouldn't. I worked with birthworkers and honored them as my own through a memorial and funeral. Sometimes healing happens alongside the people who harmed you. Sometimes the justice you receive is the justice you create for yourself, and your babies.
